Dear Diary,

Things have been going well and I'm making so much more progress than I've ever had before! Simply saying that I am proud of myself would be an understatement, truth be told I look at myself in awe and admiration to see how much I just keep going. I was just repacking my rack because all of my clothing fell off, it broke right at the center and has been leannnnnning... When I say leaning like leannnnnning to one side lols and for the past week once I try fixing it I'll get it to stay and then the center would fall out and the entire thing would drop and all of my clothes would just be there in a stack looking so feeble😩. I'm not gonna lie to you, there has been times that it slightly frustrated me after fixing it over and over and it just literally drops, all the clothed in unison lols I honestly just laugh about it after and well now. I can remember one time precisely getting aggravated about it because it was perfectly fine and then when I was showing my pieces to someone it decided to start doing it and no mater how much I tried to fix it it kept getting better then worse, until it did what I mentioned before, stood looking so proudly then dropped lml. That day I was soooo itching to literally kick it out of the room lols. I ended up just taking a breath and laughing because I recognized that that's exactly what it was sent to do, to distract me, to make me angry, to make me not focus on how far I've come and how great of a job I was doing but to feel inferior, that I didn't have certain racks or that now due to responsibilities I couldn't afford to buy a new rack right now because it wouldn't be wise to do. Why else would it be that only at this legitimate time that it chose to break and only at that time when I had a client? I'm grateful for all the many lessons I've learned that has gotten me here, it's allowed me to recognize and go through these tests and trials of life. Now I in no way believe that I know everything about life (that would be foolish to think such a way) but what I do know so far has been useful and is beneficial to my wellbeing and accomplishments thus far... and honestly, that's why I share it.

  So I've been wrestling with the thought of starting a GoFundMe and I felt such an "Am I really worth it? Is that really for me? Would I be begging and be taking away money from someone else even though I am an able body?" moment. It really has been on my mind for about a month now, I mean don't get me wrong I most definitely thought about it since the first time I heard about it and all the others like Kickstarter, Patreon etc but I just brushed them off. I'd always do the same thing, think, "omg that would be so cools, that's so awesome that it did that for those people and their business" and would end up just on to the next thing with mine. This time it's been so different though it's been a week straight of constant pop ups in my mind, actually come to think of it two weeks straight. Within the month straight it has just been the month plus of it popping up but these two weeks it's been basically everyday. Today in the midst of our thinking myself as to why I "didn't need" to do it because Im an "able body" and all 😩😒 I recognized my thoughts and honestly checked out the site, of course I went for more confirmations of course, you know how we are. We know in our hearts, our minds, our souls that we should do something, we see it helping other people, out think ourselves and then still when we decide to do the right thing were like...ehhh... maybe alittle more validation and confirmation first, let me seeeeee if this really is something for me🤦🏿‍♀️. Humans, we're such a funny bunch. So after spending time and time and time again clicking and reading through stories of other people asking for funds and trying to match up my situation with there's to see if it was "worth it" to get the help that I actually need, I said "ok..." very inquisitively and proceeded to do the next thing and put my phone down 🤦🏿‍♀️yes another slap to the face is truly needed lols (goodness gracious 3hours ago Paris, are you serious?) Lols. So time passed I'm in the room fixing my broken racks trying to come up with a neat patch job to have my beautiful garments hung and separate what goes into hanging in the closet and what would be displayed when again the alarms went off, "GO FUNDME" it echoed (I'm gonna add ghost/haunted sounds to it... yea add ghostly, haunted sounds to it when you read it ok?!) "GO FUND ME" it said and I immediately left the room and came got my phone and decided to write because I mean this is valuable to share and also I haven't been candid with you lovelies in a while. I had to give you a diary entry. So anywho, the spark in me came for the phone the distraction demon lead me to pop ups from instagram and so on lols and then here I am writing and then making the conscious decision to do what I know I clearly need to, MAKE A GO FUND ME ACCOUNT AND CAMPAIGN!
   I am worth it. My company is worth it. The growth of my business is worth it. I am an able body that is doing the work, will be doing the work and am determined to see the work through a GoFund Me campaign allows me to do just that. How dare I have an opportunity to be helped to make it happen and not take it? For my destiny, for my talent, for my family, mainly my husband that believes in me and supports all of my dreams and is always ready to cut or help in what ever way I owe it to, to be honest I owe it to God the most for even blessing me with ideas the way He does and for seeing my through, He could've chose anyone else but He chose me...its the least I can do is to see it through. So guys I'll have the GoFund me up and share the link tonight when I do, I hope that you enjoyed me being candid with you, maybe you've been through somethings that make you question and second guess yourself when you know that there are things you wanna do. Share them with me below I'd love to hear about it!

Until next time though my movies,  have a great day and remember God is good and with this good life He bestowed to us, let's go out and make this world a better place, doing and being who and what we were created to be. One step at a time my love, YOU'LL GET THERE.
XOXO Paris Jaél.

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